Things That Make Me Uncomfortable

Ok, my BadAss Cousin is "encouraging" my to type up another post. And by encouraging, I mean that if she was here, there would most definitely be a gun to my head. So here it is, post number 3: Things that make me uncomfortable.

1) This person! See, those of you that follow her may think she's all cute and funny and stuff, but you don't know her like I do. You have no idea...

That would be her and I. I can't remember why she was threatening me. I've blocked that out...

See? There's a reason I call her BadAss Cousin. She's going to hurt me if I don't get this posted in the next 70 minutes. That makes me uncomfortable.

2) Yesterday, BA Cousin and I were going for a walk with my kids in tow. Apparently my 3 year old was having non of it. She wanted to ride on my shoulders, but that little princess is not so little. I tried for a while and then had to put her down. She is 3 going on 13, or as I like to call her, a "threenager". This girl is sassy and is beginning to learn the art of saying shit to get what she wants. Anyways, this sweet little princess looked up as me and as matter of factly as possible said: 

"Mommy, I'm gonna bury you." 

"What?" I said, "Where"

"In dat grass over der."

I didn't even know how to react to that. I slept with one eye open last night.

3) Playing Pass the Phone at family functions. Ok, this one I need to careful about. This could be a sensitive topic if any one of my family members besides BA Cousin sees this. 

You know what? Eff it. It makes me uncomfortable, the world should know. Maybe if someone sees this, it will stop. Unlikely. So I have another family member who decided to move to an entirely different continent, which is super cool. I love that she decided to follow a calling and everything, but here's the deal. I can't handle these calls to family functions. This person calls while we are all out at Grandma's and then we all have to play "Pass the Phone" where everyone talks to her for like 5 minutes. Please don't get me wrong, I love her, but how much is there really to talk about each time? It's too much pressure!

While we're all being honest over here, I'm going to just let it all out. Another family member puts herself in charge of making sure EVERYONE has talked. I usually run and hide. Last time, I pretended to be on a phone call until I could pretend no longer.

4) Pedicures. I HATE pedicures! I don't understand why women are all like "Hey girlfriend! Lets have a girls day! We'll drink some mimosas and get pedicures!" Please refer to the image directly above for me reaction to that statement. I hate them because I have weird big toes. I will spare you a picture. These foot ladies just go in and dig around and clip and brush and polish. I hate people touching my feet! And you know what I hate even more? The leg massage that goes with it. One time, I went in for a manicure and go talked in to a pedicure. Well guess what. I hadn't shaved my legs. I thought they did feet only, but no. Here this lady was commenting on my weird big toes and rubbing my stubbly legs. It's been a good 10 years, and I would still list this as one of the most uncomfortable experiences of my life. 

5) I'm not quite sure why I struggled to come up with five things that make me uncomfortable, but here I am. This last thing occurred to me today while I was shopping with my kids. A friend of mine had called to chat and set up a time to get together. While we were in the middle of a conversation, this lady walked by me pushing a cart with two kids while the other tagged along. I had Little E in the baby part and she stopped to make googly eyes at him, which would have been fine, except for I was occupied. She started talking about his cheeks and how cute he was. Then she started talking about how beautiful my kids' eyes were and how cute they all were.

Now don't get me wrong, my kids are freakin adorable. I can see why people would be stopped in their tracks, but it just made me reel really awkward to try to listen to this friend vent about something while this worker was talking to my kids. I didn't want to be a jerk and keep walking, but come on people! When the parent is on the phone, just give them a smile and keep on walking! 

I suppose I should have asked my friend to pause a moment while I interacted with this lady, but I didn't because I couldn't get a word in then! The whole thing was uncomfortable!

Alright, now I'm done.

Guilty Pleasures

Ladies and Gentlemen, its time for blog post #2. My assigned topic? Guilty Pleasures... Ooh, this could get interesting...



Meh, no, it really won't, so don't get too excited there. I had a tough time coming up with some guilty pleasures of mine. The problem with guilty pleasures, is that I don't really have any. I think Dave here said it pretty well. "If you like a fucking Ke$ha song, listen to a fucking Ke$ha", except I don't care for Kesha (do I really have to put that dollar sign in there?) I just kind of like what I like. Or so I thought. Of course, my favorite person in the world (I feel like I should insert "besides my kids" here), the person who knows more about me that she probably would like to is full of things that I love that I might call a guilty pleasure.

1) Facebook Stalking: Lets just let the crazy hang all out there right away. I have nothing to hide! I love Facebook stalking. And you're a dirty liar if you say you don't love it! Oh, remember that hot guy I sat next to in driver's ed? Yup, found him. Favorite former teacher? Bingo. And he shaved off his awesome mustache. That was disappointing. Also, why is my brother friends with him and didn't tell me?! Stemming off of that. My brother's new girlfriend. I've never met her. She's cute. Maybe she'll give me some freakin' nieces and nephews.



2) BSing with my BadAss Cousin. Yes, I talk about her all the time. All. The. Time. Is that weird? Seriously though, she moved to TX a few years ago and before that, we spend a ton of time texting or chatting or whatever, but we still saw each other at our family things. Now that she's moved to TX, she's left me to fend for myself at family gatherings. We pretty much only communicate through our phones. I think one day, we listed like 7 ways, but anyways... I realized that we don't know how to communicate in real life. Like, at family things, even though we're grown ass women, we still text each other across the room and smirk because we both know what we're really thinking about our crazy aunt/uncle/cousin.



We HAVE to text and exchange knowing looks at family functions. There really is no other option. This pie chart will explain why.

Yep. I made a pie chart.

I really enjoy our BS sessions more than I should. I mean, some times I laugh so hard that my kids get concerned about me.

3)While we're on the topic of BA Cousin, inappropriate topics and Facebook stalking, I feel as if I need to confess my newest guilty pleasure that she introduced me to. *hides head in shame* Tinder. If you've never heard of Tinder, well let me tell you about it. It's this app where you see other people near you. If you like them, swipe right, if you don't, then swipe left. If they liked you too, you can start to chat. It's that easy. Yeah, it's pretty much a hook up site. Yes, I'm married. No, I'm not looking for some side action. I really just enjoy the people watching. There are all kinds of people on there and I really just enjoy seeing what other people are about. Usually they're about posting pictures of their dead fish and telling women that they "enjoy having a good time, music, the outdoors and living life to the fullest". 

4) How can you have a guilty pleasure discussion without the mention of food? Now, I like food. A lot. Too much. But, I had trouble thinking of something that I would love all day, every day, not matter what. Applebee's Cherry Limeade. They have just the right mix of cherry and lime, which, I hear is the makings for a good cherry limeade. Oh, it is so delicious. And if an Applebee's isn't convenient, Sonic is usually my back up plan for all things cherry and lime. Yeah, they're good, but not nearly as good as Applebees'.

5) Last, but not least, The Walking Dead. When *you know who* introduced me to TWD, I had a really tough time watching it. Every night, I had nightmares and every day, I couldn't wait until the kids would go to bed so I could watch more. It was so scary to watch alone, but I just couldn't stop watching.

But watching got me thinking: What if this really happened? So of course, BA Cousin and I have a plan in place. We know who is on our team and why, we know what supplies we'll need and we know where we're headed to hideout or fight during the zombie apocalypse. And, no. I can't tell you our plan. Lets just say it involves some hot guys (we will need to repopulate), some good shots (we need to kill things), some awesome cooks (we need to eat), a strategic shelter, some cute kids (cuz why not?) and me (who will be hiding in the closet cheering everyone else on in spirit.)